Western Washington has been home to beautiful art. Grunge, blown glass, totem poles, chainsawed bears and eagles straight from a roadside single-wide methlab at Ocean Shores. Nowadays? Not so much. Art has always been political. But at least Seattle politics has been limited by comparatively moderate Seattle voters. Seattle art, on the other hand, is a race to the absurd by thousands of sycophantic cultural Marxists seeking to radically transform our sane society.

Here’s three of them.

Passport Series

Passports

In “Passport Series,” artist Carina del Rosario bridges the cultural gap between half-assed LinkedIn profiles and 3rd grade English as Second Language homework.

The portrait of “Saara My-Culture-Doesn’t-Have-Last-Names” provides her self-declared official snowflake identity: “Not Who You Think I Am.” Kind of runs counter to Bernie’s claims about the thoroughness of our immigrant vetting process.

This horizon-expanding art left me pondering philosophical questions like, What does it mean to be? What does it mean to be good? Is there a God? And, Did Saara My-Culture-Doesn’t-Have-Last-Names check “Indian” on her University of Washington admission and financial aid applications?

Good luck with the census when nobody can remember what species they identified as fifteen years ago. Most people can’t even remember the answers to their email security questions.

The intended message here is that categories are evil except when used by liberals to categorize Dutchmen, Montanans, Russians, New Zealanders and millions of South Africans as “white.” Aristotle is spinning in his grave, but that’s ok because according to the liberal braintrust at Seattle University’s Matteo Ricci College, Greek philosophers also fall into the category of “dead white dudes.”

You will leave this exhibit with a revelation: “Wow. I have absolutely nothing in common with these people.” Which, as we all know, is the first step to building a great community.

Location: the M. Rosetta Hunter Gallery at Seattle Central College

Price: free, because the artist was already paid bank by the City of Seattle Office of Arts and Culture

Straight White Men

Straight White Men

“Young Jean Lee holds whiteness and straightness and maleness up to the light for a proper examination that’s long overdue.” Because whiteness, straightness and maleness haven’t been under examination all the way since the beginning of MSNBC’s current commercial break.

How ironic that the last progressive artist condemned categorizing people, but this progressive artist tosses all straight white men into one group — and then spends the next two hours shitting on them.

Keep Young Jean Lee and Sara Porkolob’s Straight White Men in mind next time some liberal says straight white males don’t have the experiential authority to comment on what it’s like to be anything but.

Location: 12th Avenue Arts on Capitol Hill

Price: free, because currency is an opressive tool of the bourgeoisie

Il segreto di Susanna: BDSM Edition

Untitled picture

Il segreto di Susanna was first performed in 1909 at the National Theatre in Munich, Germany. Count Gil arrives home to his wife, but the apartment smells like tobacco. In the classic version, Gil is worried that his wife, Susanna, is secretly sneaking some cigar-smoking into stud their apartment while he’s at work. In polyamorous-friendly Seattle’s version, Gil is just worried about second-hand smoke.

Spoiler alert: Gil discovers Susanna’s secret naughty pleasure is smoking cigarettes, which he realizes they can enjoy together — assuming they’re not opera singers. But because the emotional suffering of early arias wasn’t developed thoroughly enough, the cultural Marxists here were compelled to add leather whips and rubber ball-gags to the marriage counselling toolkit.

Location: Mount Analogue in Pioneer Square

Price: $15-$50. Includes a ‘limited-edition’ program featuring an essay by the female singer about her actual, real life role in the BDSM community.